There’s been a few things I have been able to do since getting started on my revision plan. First off, and probably the easiest, was taking out all of the Chen portions of the essay. One thing I did notice while doing it was that it left the paper feeling hollow. Meaning, I believe I relied a lot on Chens work the first time writing with lengthy quotes or summary. It was a bit odd because when I reflected on the essay as a whole, I remembered connecting with the other source, Konnikova, more. Also now with less words, I’ve read through the ideas I did have in the original from Konnikova. Although very unstructured right now, there was one quote I know I’ll be using in the full revision so I’ve started adding new framing. Right now, one of my ideas is to compare the real life qualities of friendship to the online ones while arguing online is bad. Still need working through on how to connect back to the identity piece.
In researching new sources, there has been one I believe will be really important. I was doing some Google searches for articles either from NYT or other new outlets about social media. Instead, one of NPR’s podcasts came up with something that set off alarm bells. An episode titled “Finding the Self in Selfie,” from the synopsis, talks to youngs girls about their social media use and the effects on self image. I still need to listen to it and take notes, but it feels like a step in the right direction. I’ve also started to narrow down possible personal examples for the essay. Some to mention are Emma Chamberlain, Bethany Mota, Gwen Paltrow, and Beyonce. A concern I have with choosing is finding other sources or information that corroborates my idea. It seems too lose to only mention it within my anecdote and not have backed up evidence.
