Revision Plan and Progress Notes

  • Revise the prompt/thesis
    • Want to keep the element of relationship building from the original prompt but include the aspects of how social media is also an influence on other aspects, specifically our personal identity.
    • Still need to figure out the how. My idea is right now is to maybe look at influencers that I either remember from childhood or see currently. They promote a sort of identity that others like to follow and try to recreate parts of it in their lives.
  • Cutting out Chen’s work
    • The next thing on my plan is to go through and remove the use of Adrian Chen’s article from the essay. Like I said before it is not my favorite piece I’ve read and it strays from where I’m extending the argument toward.
  • Researching new sources
    • I think one idea from his work that could be considered when looking at other sources is how Chen told a story. Having another anecdotal experience besides my own will help build a foundation for the argument. It would also make the piece more compelling, a factor missing from the original assignment
    • Maybe consider slimming down to a certain demographic for specific examples? I could use my own experience as a girl and compare it to other girls/women who feel similar. There have also been a variety of body positivity movements about women and social media use so it bring a lot to talk about.
  • Maximizing clarity and engagement
    • Having learned many more writing skills since my first semester at UNE, it’s in my plan to try and “beef up” the words in the actual essay. I feel like the original is bland and leaves some unfinished connections in paragraph structure. To move away from that, I’m going to incorporate more Barclay style paragraphs and specific examples throughout. Doing so, I think, will help connect ideas fluidly and compel more readers.