Daphne: I would say this is the story of being haunted by one’s reality, or hanuted by something one is trying to get away from. I’m still grappling on which is better suited for the story. First off, your attention to detail in this story was great. It made the different settings come to life and it was easier to pick apart the thematic elements in each. It seemed the narrator had a lot of anxiety about darkness and being watched, at points I could feel the anxiety that was being described. I’m curious to know a little bit more on why they are riddled which such anxiety and antsy to leave Detroit asap. Had they previously dealt with a stalker, have a phobia of living alone, or is it simply being a woman in a sometimes dangerous city? I could have missed something while reading, but it felt like there was more reason to the characters current mental state/situation that wasn’t discussed. I’m also super super curious about this mystery man who starts to follow her. Does he symbolically represent what she’s afraid of becoming due to her impoverished living conditions? I wanted to know more about his connection to the narrator and the story, maybe more could be revealed through dialogue between them. Overall, your story was so interesting and my questions only come from a state of wanting to read more!
Coco: I would say that your story is the story of living under someones control, or really the feeling of restraint itself. I really enjoyed the layers of thematic elements you added in the story, like the wolf symbolism, and how it played a part throughout. It made the story flow well and gave indicators to characters personalities/mental states without many words. Similarly, the story was mostly moved through descriptions and internal dialogue which worked because of the level of detail. Just like the thematic elements it gave the audience clues on the narrator. I found this especially through the italicized sections that mostly correlated with the narrators relationship with their brother, Sandy. There were a few things I was curious to know more about as a reader. The mom was well described through her bad habits and continous comparison to a wolf but I wanted to know more about the direct relationship/tension between her and the narrator. It seemed like there were some issues of the narrator being too emotional for the mother? And maybe something about the narrators eating habits as well? I know there is a definite control or helicopter parent issue. Regardless, I could sense tension, but I want to know more concretely as to why there is tension. This could be done through the dialogue of a fight or a flashback to one. Overall I thought it was a great first draft and the story has a lot of potential.
