Brady: This is the story of hiding from reality until you are forced to deal with it. I thought you did a great job with word building within the limits of a short story. I think what made it really possible was the great amount of detail you added to descriptions. There were a few moments where I felt I could paint a clear picture of either the narrator or the setting they were in. In addition, the dialogue was written very well. In the moments that it was used it didn’t feel like a space filler but something that pushed the story forward. Especially since (unless I’m misremembering) the story only takes place in one to two locations, and there’ isn’t much action. I would say that action is the one thing I was looking for a little bit more of. After the ending of the story, does Helgar reach the south? Or does he join the clan that Eyre is part of? I know it may be difficult to fit that into the format of a short story, but it could be possible if it were a flash in the future. It could be right in the middle of a battle scene or a reconnection with Eyre.
Kassidy: I thought this was the story of control, jealousy, and betrayal. The narrator in this story was very interesting to me because I thought at the beginning they were someone reliable, and by the end, I completely distrusted their perspective. Good job catching the reader off guard! Another thing that worked in the story was the time breaks and pacing. It was easier to follow the progression of the relationship because it was clearly stated the time progression of their relationship. I think at some points just the wording could be cleaned up a little but the intention is there. Lastly, I thought I was able to picture the narrator very well. The subtle details of his habits or comment of internal monologue created a sense of character. That character being possibly violent and at least controllingly dangerous on some level. I think my only suggestion would be to dig into Monica a little bit more here. You subtly reveal a lot about the narrator in his actions and thoughts, but not as much with her. Also, I’m so curious about the end. Are they actually over when she leaves with the roommate?
