Mackie: I would say your story is the story of a right person but not the right time. Overall, its written very well. You can picture the narrator while she goes through the motions almost like a camera following her. I think using first person perspective reall emphasized that. In terms of your story concept, it was real and relateable to most college students, or even those in high school. Everyone experiences those moments of a whimsical school crush but very few get to know the experience of being with them. I say this because I liked that you showed more than just a girl fawning after a guys who is “unattainable.” If I have any suggestion, it would be to dig further into Coopers character, and maybe even a little more about Gemma. Do their majors/career paths raise the bar on why they can’t be together? I’m also curious about what that Monday after will look like. Does he choose to suddenly sit with her in class or do they continue to act otherwise? Exploring these questions will turn the dial up on the conflict/tension you’re trying to create.
Bridget: I would say that your story is the story of when our expectations for something don’t match with the reality that’s presented. Honestly, the way you’ve written then really tugged on my heart strings. Choosing a first person perspective allowed the reader to sit with the narrators heavy emotions and mentality around the situation. The way you described experiencing these emotions as well was sad, beautiful, and realistic to what heartbreak is. Concept alone is very relateable to I think anyone who’s dealt with a similar situation. Resentment and hope were two highlighted themes for me while reading because the narrator seemed to be battling between the two. What I would be curious to know more about is the gazebo. Is there one specific memory that ties the place to Emory and the narrator? You mention a few vaguely, but I think diving in on one more specifically will sell the symbol you’re trying to create. I’m also wondering why they broke up in the first place. What it a simple fizzle of emotion or was there a serious issue? It seemed that there may be based off of Emory apologizing to the narrator “for everything.”
