Lizzie: I believe your story is the story of an unexpected connection. I enjoyed the detail that you provided as it felt a picture was painted in terms of setting and each characters actions. Also, the dialogue reflected the characters well also. I could get a sense of their personality through it. Len was humoruous and sarcastic while also determined. I’m really curious to know why these men are after her while in town. Is she not allowed to leave her home? Where is her home, and where is this town? I think knowing these details will dial up the tension that seems to be a foundation to the story. I’m also still thinking about the end of the piece and what happens after they return. The current ending felt a bit rushed in the sense it went from an intense moment to a happy and calm ending really quickly (especially regarding Lens reaction to the girl being a dragon). Can we learn why the girl was able to turn to a dragon? Do they make it back to town? I think adding the suggested details will really develop the world you’re trying to place reader in while wrapping the story up with a bow.
Sophie: I believe your story is the story of identity and living with the sometimes harsh reality of a condition. The way you wrote this was captivating and everything felt like it was intentional put there. There were clear themes throughout with repeated language or, for example, the title being connected with the habits of the narrator. It also reminded me of the mythical Loch Ness Monster. Obviously, another intentional move. In terms of structure, I thought the snapshot images of different years was a smooth way to transition a vast amount of time. It also looked visually appealing. One suggestion I would make is to move the names of the mother and dog further up in the story. They’re given names on page four but I was curious to know when they were first mentioned because of their importance to the narrator. Also, I was wondering about her dad and more about their relationship. It seems there is some tension between them as she grows older, especially when her mother gets surgery. Do they talk about Ness not visiting her Mom earlier?
