Malachi: Really interesting story you’re building here! I thought the level of sensory detail you added was wonderful. There were moments I could almost smell/see/taste the foods and instances you were describing. The amount of description also didn’t feel to heavy in comparison to the dialogue. There was a good back-and-forth between the two that it felt balanced. There were a few things I was curious about as well so I’ll give a sentence for each below. It sounds like they’re simply lobster fisherman or another kind, but I think adding some more detail would clear that up. Since the parents and their relationship to him are such a large part of the characters mental state, give a little more on why he left. Was there a big fight, or was he sick of the treatment from his parents? And, because it might add a little bit more character depth, why the fishing boat and not another job? What compelled him to take on a routine-changing job?
Kassidy: This story was a feel-good take on what could’ve been something super sad, and I really like it! I felt like I was sitting on the edge of my seat til the end to see what was going to happen to Finn. Overall, it was interesting to me that you wrote from the perspective of an animal because it’s not a typical POV we see. I thought doing so made the story more engaging. The level of description you add as well made the story flow and paint a pretty clear picture. There were only two question/suggestions that came up for me while reading. First, it might be helpful to establish more details about Finn higher up in the story. Although you give away his breed and name in the end, doing so in the beginning I think will help readers connect with the narrator more quickly. It was a little disorienting having to figure out if he was a human or animal, so adding those details would also aid with this. The other suggestion I had was to give us a little more about the family. I was really curious to know more about their relationship with Finn because of the extent they went to finding him.
