Paige: I think this a good start to a paper with more information forthcoming. You include a good academic background on this professor. One thing within your first paragraph you need to do thorough research on before claiming is that she is the only psychology professor with a clinical practice here. I took abnormal psychology last semester with Dr. Hillary Powell who also has a clinical practice as a psychologist while teaching. In journalism, making potential false claims such as this without the evidence to back it up can be detrimental. I do agree with the perspective she is able to provide, but it risky to say that she’s the only one who does this. Your lead sentence to the second paragraph saying that her credentials “prove” her abilities as a professor is not the strongest representation. I think more inclusion of her talking about her work could say this strongly without directly saying how her background proves she’s good. Other small things I would look into in this paper is MHRT/C, what is this? Another thing is that I like that you are specific in what time of research she does but for a matter of sensitivity, I would change the word rape to sexual assault. You do not know how this may affect your audience and may be a very sensitive matter for some to read. I don’t have much to say on your angle because I believe this will develop as you add more, I’m not sure where it is going right now. Overall, this is a good backbone to be further fleshed out.
Matt: I think that this is an interesting topic you chose to focus on. The background research is set up good, one thing I was wondering about was what made her go to microbiology. I know it says she would be happier as a professor, but why? It was something that left me wondering as a reader. Also, what work did she do at UMich before coming to UNE? You mention that some of her work here at UNE is similar to then, but what? Something else that I was left wondering. This a good start to your paper, but there some fleshing out to do. I am not sure what your angle is right now, I understand the explanation of her love for teaching and research but I’m not sure it’s the point of the piece. I think more information from her and maybe inclusion of researchers from her lab would help this. I was also wondering more about what the Burkholder lab is, why is it named after her? Lastly, this is copy editor things but you have a few run on sentences and repetitiveness that need to be looked over. This is small as reading the paper out loud to yourself and see where it may not make sense. Sometimes as writers when we read something so many times over we become blind to small mistakes such as these.
