Luke: I think this is a good backbone to your article and a start to something great. I like the background you include on him, but I think some of it could be separated into smaller paragraphs to be easily read. You provide so much in a swift pace that it can be a lot to take in. There’s also a lot for expansion in this piece, and there is some muddiness with your angle, or maybe I missed it. Also, include some other perspectives in this. Choose what may be best for your intended angle; that may be fellow teammate, the UNE assistant coach, or maybe even trying to reach out to someone Ostergaard has played with in the past. I think the best option for an angle idea would be his influence and impact at UNE. This would keep a central focus on UNE itself and pair well with the work you’ve already provided. With the word count you have so far there is definite room to add! Overall, this is headed down a good path.
Madi: I think this is a great piece that needs some minimal shaping. There is the use of our and us at the end which can implement a little bit of a bias into the piece by letting the audience know you are also a student athlete. It is important to remain as a snapshot figure and use description words like “student athletes” instead. There is also a bit of confusion when it comes to what your angle is on the piece. I have an idea about it being how the coach began her time at UNE and was eventually able to return, but maybe more focus on how she impacted the program would be a good idea. To emphasize this angle your going for, try to include others who work with this coach or maybe her previous coaches at UNE to look more into the integrity of her character. This is of course based on what I understood as a reader, you may be going in a different direction. You throw in at the end that her children have helped her learn the “fun” of the game but don’t include it anywhere else, this could be a useful paragraph to possible include prior. I know you made a note about word count, information, and how to cut it down so these are just some possible ideas! I really think sharpening how she has impacted UNE would be your best bet while working with the information you already have.
Duffy: This is a great story. Your angle rings clear throughout the piece and it flows effortlessly in order to explain the depth of Klaks work. I really found it to be informative and provide a full understanding of the work he has done. I don’t see any muddiness in terms of your language or the point youre trying to get across. The use of language is again, concise, but descriptive enough to provide the reader all the knowledge necessary. I really appreciate the background knowledge you provide on the foundation so the reader can contextualize. Some areas of suggestion I have that are all really minor (this is a great piece) is maybe changing your title. It is a bit long right now and could be cut down in order to get straight to the point. One other minor this is to include exactly where Klak received his education from. This is just for background purposes and to be precisely accurate in reporting.
