Colby: You have a strong story so far, I have a few suggestions to take it a mile further. I can assume that you’ll be talking to other professors/staff/students about Smith and I believe that will flesh out more of the second page where you get into the future of Philosophy. One thing to note is that there is a strong use of quotes from him. This is probably a mix of Smith being very well spoken and then being framed by the proper transitions. Another note is that you include he has written multiple philosophical books but only provided details on one, I think this could be another expansion area in your piece. It’s important to assume the reader does not knowing anything about him. You do well context wise of who he is in the beginning, but it could be fleshed out more in (small) other areas. I think your opener or catch line could be changed, something that grabs a readers attention more. Lastly, in your fourth paragraph, it reads a little clunky when you talk about how Smith is the first to write on Dehumanization. I think this sentence could be just a little more concise.
Peyton: i think this is a really interesting piece and different take on literature at UNE. I mean that in saying you talk about the writing process with McHugh rather than just her success. It makes her seem like a more well-rounded author and paints the story in a positive light. I think an area of expansion with this is to go more into other things she has written, how they differ from her first experience with Dog. You begin to do this with her second monograph, which is remained untitled in the piece. Doing this will strengthen the idea your getting at with the writing process. It will reflect more credentials of McHugh and emphasize her writing capabilities, also providing more credibility to her words. I think you’re making a great move in interviewing other students who want to be writers and have experience with McHugh. It will strengthen the image of McHugh you’re trying to paint and hone in on the advice part of the piece. I think maybe adding a professor who is also well published and can speak on the writing process could be an interesting comparable to McHugh, or someone such as Jesse who has experience with copy editing (one of the background characters McHugh emphasizes as important). Seeing more into her copy editing position and her look into the writing process, did that change her writing style or how she goes about her process after that experience? Overall, you’re on a great path and I’m just throwing out possible tracks to go down to deepen this.
