Emily:
I really like this piece overall, its soft and light, something I think students would enjoy reading. Your detail is immaculate with the inclusion of minutes, addresses, towns, and any other interesting information. I also think this piece is very relevant to the recent issue of the “boring” campus atmosphere. The use of quotes is simple and integrated well, you don’t speak for them yet build on their thought. I love the inclusion of links to different webpages so your audience can find more information on their own. The only thing I suggest is in your last paragraph, the use of the word “hopefully” sounds a little misleading in the context you’re using it. I can see that you are trying to encourage students to take action and visit these places, but I would try to reword it. Instead of saying you hope students visit these places you could try saying you encourage or implore students to check out these locations. Besides that, I think this is a really strong and fun piece.
Duffy:
This is something I didn’t know was coming to UNE and it made this piece that much better for me as a reader. It is not only creative but similar to Emily’s, packed with information. You’re able to give students a full run down of what to expect with this new major. I think students would really benefit from reading this to learn about Criminology as a new route at UNE. The use of quotes is great and they’re integrated in a way that works. You don’t necessarily ask a question, but set up what the interviewee is going to speaking on. I can see you have another interview but the one you have already is great, it would be interesting to see how it will build with the other. I don’t have any suggestions for you really at the moment, this piece is very well developed. Like I had said previously, I am interested in where the story will go when you have added your other conversation in.
Paige:
I think this a really relevant and important piece to what is going on with campus right now. I really like that you did not take the angle of the schedule changes and how USG felt about it, but a overview of what USG is as a whole. It is truly important right now for students to learn about student organizations on campus where their voice can be heard. I think you used your quotes very well in allowing Jared to speak for himself. One suggestion I would make with your quote integrations is that you don’t have to include each question you ask him. I find it flowed better towards the end where you just allowed him to speak about his experience with USG freely. Your audience can infer what he will be talking about because of your introduction with his position, therefore I don’t see a need to include every question you asked (since we know its about USG). Besides that, this is strong and you’re on a good track. I wonder what it would be like if you included other USG member or a faculty member that works alongside USG (their thoughts, perspective, etc.)
